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From:  "Thomas Haggins" <thaggins@wasperbally.com>
Subject:  Notice Bob
Date:  Thu, 15 Dec 2005 04:19:54 -0500
>Bob this has to be ten times better
>than your current position. See what i mean.
>http://wasperbally.com/doms/
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>Carol and I got home from the store earlier. When we came home, Carol noticed that the lady that lives upstairs from us was outside with the police. Well, we just got done talking to her and she was outside on her porch looking through some stuff and someone came up behind her and pushed her. She said at first, she thought it was her boyfriend playing around but the push was kind of hard. She said the guy took her purse and got in a van. Thank God she didn't get hurt and thank God both my sister and I have paranoia issues. And, I never thought I'd say this but thank God for insomnia because we're usually up til the bird starts chirping...not that crime doesn't happen during the day...I mean this happened about an hour and a half ago. I hope they find her purse and belongings because they have all her info and financial stuff. What a shame and disgrace to the human race.
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>5 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Wednesday, December 14th 2005
>4:40 AM Forcing Self To Sleep
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>I don't even know what day it is. I woke up yesterday and thought it was Sunday..yikes. It's 4:40am and of course I'm still awake, tired yet can't sleep. I think I need a sleep study. I'm going to mix some pills up and see if I can force myself into slumber.
>3 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Tuesday, December 13th 2005
>3:27 PM Song Lyrics
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>There's a song I listen to when I'm not in the best of places. It's called It's OK by Bebe and Cece Winans. I thought I'd post the lyrics in case it could help someone else.
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>Maybe we can talk it over
>And save our hopes and dreams
>Though the waves seem endless
>Somehow we'll cross this angry sea
>With love all things are possible
>If we just believe
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>I need to know, yes it's okay
>Can I hurdle this storm, yes but only together
>With love in our hearts, the only way
>Somehow, things will work out just you wait and see
>Oh it will, believe it will
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>See real life confrontations
>Caused our vows to break
>But I learned the word forgiveness
>Can time chase the pain away
>True love made our hearts inseparable
>If we just believe
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>I need to know, yes it's okay
>Can I hurdle this storm, yest but only together
>With God in our hearts, the only way
>Somehow, things will work our just you wait and see
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>But right now it hurts so bad
>And feels so bad
>But tomorrow waits with laughter
>If we endure the tears then joy comes after
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>I need to know, you need to know, it's gonna be okay
>Can I hurdle this storm, only together
>With love in our hearts, the only way
>And somehow, somehow I can feel love again
>Somehow, things will work out 'cause you stayed with me
>I'm glad to know it's okay, it's okay.
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>2 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Monday, December 12th 2005
>4:19 PM Clemency Denied
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>Hitler...sorry...I mean Arnold Swarzennegar (sp?) has denied clemency for Stanley "Tookie" Williams. He will be executed at 12:01 am (eastern time 3:01 am).
>4 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Friday, December 9th 2005
>9:51 AM New Alzheimers News
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>New information that Alzheimers may be linked to diabetes or another form of diabetes.
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>"Insulin disappears early and dramatically in Alzheimer's disease,...And many of the unexplained features of Alzheimer's, such as cell death and tangles in the brain, appear to be linked to abnormalities in insulin signaling. This demonstrates that the disease is most likely a neuroendocrine disorder, or another type of diabetes." - Senior Researcher Suzanne M. de la Monte, a neuropathologist at Rhode Island Hospital and a professor of pathology at Brown University Medical School
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>You can read the article here.
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>8 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Thursday, December 8th 2005
>3:54 PM Hopeful
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>Weather:
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>Freezing Rain
>  I've gotten a lot of feedback from friends and family and have decided that I need to find a new therapist. I called the place where Carol goes for therapy and I have an appointment for the 15th at 8:45 am. I'll be seeing the same person she's seeing, which isn't a probably because I know she won't break confidentiality. Carol said that she's really good and supportive. Carol has been diagnosed with just about the same things I have except the cutting, ed, paranoia (she has high anxiety though), and bpd.
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>Seeing that I didn't get to bed til 9 this morning I should still be awake. I just woke up at 3 pm. And we have freezing rain. It's going to be a bad weather weekend. I'm not sure what time Carol got to sleep, but she's passed out on the couch. I know she was using my computer 'til about 2 or 3 am though. I might lay back down for awhile. I'm really tired for some reason.
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>6 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Wednesday, December 7th 2005
>5:23 PM Therapy
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>Mood:
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>Depressed
>  Confused. Just got home from first therapy session and I'm not sure what to think. I feel really bad about it though. She told me that I don't dissociate and asked where I heard that term from. Informed her that my previous therapist told me about it and that I scored very high on the DES Scale. She said that I don't dissociate I just have bad coping skills. Then she told me that she's putting me on any antipsychotics because she doesn't think I'm psychotic. She said that I only hear voices in my head and not from outside my head so I'm not psychotic just talking to myself...wtf??? She didn't say anything about the paranoia or hallucinations. She told me that she knows I'm aware, through family history, of the destructiveness between bulimia and diabetes and asked how I felt about that and I told her that I didn't care. Here's another question she asked.
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>Her: "If you were in a movie theater and you smelled smoke, what would you do?"
>Me: "Probably think someone was smoking"
>Her: "Ok, what if noone was smoking?"
>Me: "Depends, if the movie is good then I'll probably stay and continue to watch it. If it's bad, then I might consider leaving"
>Her: "You are aware that if the building is on fire and you decide to stay that you may burn to death"
>Me" "Yeah, well we all have to go sometime"
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>I've gotten to the point where I truly don't care what happens to me, at all. I told Carol about the appointment and she doesn't think I should go back to her anymore. She thinks I should go back to SC just ask for a different therapist. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was so glad to finally find a therapist and she made me feel like crap.
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>11 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Sunday, December 4th 2005
>12:24 AM Tidbits - Suicide
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>"As shocking as it may seem, in the United States every year there are more suicides than murders and twice as many suicides as deaths from acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS). Yet suicide gets far less press than murder or AIDS. Why? It may be because talking about suicide makes people very uncomfortable, because there are religious prohibitions against suicide, because suicide is thought of as a shameful act, or because many people simply cannot believe that someone they know and love could intentionally take his or her own life." - Taken from Human Diseases And Conditions - Supplement 1: Behavioral Health, page 356.
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>Suicide is the 8th leading cause of death in the United States. It is the 3rd leading cause of death among those between the ages of 15 and 24. It's estimated that about 30,000 Americans commit suicide each year. Some believe the number is even higher. It is estimated that there are between 8 and 25 attempts for each completed suicide.
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>Most Common Methods
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>Overdose
>Inhaling carbon monoxide from car exhausts
>Using guns
>About 90% of those who commit suicide have a diagnosed psychiatric disorder. Four of five people who attempt suicide have given clues about their intentions before acting on them.
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>Most Likely To Commit Suicide
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>Have previously attempted
>Live alone and have no social support network
>Have chronic physical pain or terminal illness
>Have family history of suicide
>Are unemployed
>Are impulsive
>Keep a gun in a home
>Have spent time in jail
>Have experienced family violence, child abuse, or sexual abuse
>Common Warning Signs
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>Talk about death
>Make suicidal threats
>Statements like "you would be better off without me" or "I'm no good to anybody"
>Have signs/symptoms of depression
>Exhibit major personality changes
>Make a will
>Giving away cherished possessions
>Seek isolation
>Become fascinated with death
>Take a sudden interest in religion if previously not religious
>Reject religion if previously devout
>Suddenly jolting out of depression (Contributed by If You Don't Know)
>Some believe that suicide is an act of rage or anger. Some commit suicide because they feel they have no other choice.
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>"For a mentally healthy person, the idea that a person would have no choice except to seek death sounds absurd. But depression, substance abuse, and other mental illnesses, such as schizophrenia, alter the healthy mind. People with these problems may feel that they are in a deep, dark hole from which there is no escape and that life is so painful that there are no alternatives except death." - Taken from Human Diseases And Conditions - Supplement 1: Behavioral Health, page 385.
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>Ways To Help
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>It's important to pay attention when people say they are suicidal or talk about wanting to die. Having another person approach the subject directly is often a relief to them.
>Professional help through suicide prevention and crisis intervention centers, mental health clinics, hospitals, clergy members.
>Talk to another mature adult and ask them to join in helping to deal with the crisis.
>Suicide and mental health hotlines.
>Remove guns and ammunition from the home.
>Lock up alcohol and medications - this includes over-the-counter medication.
>Stay with the person because suicide is most often performed when they are alone.
>Talk calmly, without lecturing, being judgmental, or pointing out all the reasons a person has to continue living.
>20 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Friday, December 2nd 2005
>7:05 PM Life Issues
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>Mood:
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>Confused
>  I ate a calzone earlier and it was too damn good. The problem is that I ate it really fast and ate all of it. Carol was amazed....I was feeling guilty. So I took some laxatives. Feeling kind of numb right now. Not sure if that's good or not. It can't be changed though, too late...process has already started. I spoke with my mom awhile ago and was explaining some things to her that I never told her before. She really didn't know what to say. I could tell she was shocked. She laughed a few times, but I think it's because she was speechless so I didn't take any offense. I know it's hard for her to hear that I'm not doing well right now, but I had to tell someone. It's pretty easy to talk to her about stuff but cutting, homosexuality, and suicidal feelings are the 3 things she really can't handle. So, I keep those topics to a minimum. But today I felt like spilling my guts...lol...shame on me. I normally don't talk about things like that with my family but I figured I'd take a chance. I have to think about whether or not it was actually beneficial or not. Kind of confused right now about the whole conversation.
>13 Venemous Minds / Leave Your Venom
>Friday, December 2nd 2005
>2:27 PM Exhausted
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>Mood:
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>Tired
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>Weather:
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>Freezing
>  I didn't get to sleep 'til after 4am. I had to wake up at 7am so Carol and I could go and get her stress test done. It was freezing this morning....23 degrees. I decided when I came home that I was going to take a nap but Carol said that she wanted to go back out to the store (which we agreed on) before 3pm so I set my alarm for one. Well, the power went out so of course that meant that my alarm clock went out as well....I was sleep before it came back on so I got up around 2. Why is she still sleeping????....lmao...I swear I just woke her up a half hour ago. I don't know why I took that damn nap. Now I'm more tired then I was earlier. And I didn't even sleep that long. 12 - 2...how is that long. I may go back later, haven't decided yet.